yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
