Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize