I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
