You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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