I must be too annoying 4 u.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just had sex on a roof
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
