All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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