The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
