I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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