"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
wow bdsm is so cute
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