so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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