I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A bitchslap is in order.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
