i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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