I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
