But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
