I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
