jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My first STD was from a foam party
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
