the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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