she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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