I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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