Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
