Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
