he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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