i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
