I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
