he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
