Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Mom said you looked used
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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