12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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