I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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