can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
