idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you inspire me to be a worse person
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
