I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wish there were birth control emojis
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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