You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
