1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
