I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
