So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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