I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
