Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
