can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
