just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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