This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
