As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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