i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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