can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
