It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
