she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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