We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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