What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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