i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
