I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
