I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
