So drunk its hurt
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
