Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
