you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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