im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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