I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
