Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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