I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
