After last night, I could never be a politician.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
