I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
