I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
