you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
