can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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