I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
soo... how was my night?
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